15 proven practices to get better relationships

15 proven practices to get better relationships15 proven practices to get better relationshipsYouve probably heard the adage that an organizations greatest assets are its people. Id like to take that one step further and share that, in my experience, its the relationships between those people that create the culture and in the end become an organizations ultimate competitive advantage. In other words, relationships matter nearly everything gets better when we focus on strengthening them. In my new book, Get Better 15 Proven Practices to Build Effective Relationships at Work, I catalogue the 15 best and most effective methods to building an organizations competitive advantage through better relationships.Practice 1 Wear Glasses That WorkOne of the biggest challenges to working with others effectively is being overly invested in yur version of the truth. The glasses we choose to wear each day are the beliefs through which we landsee ourselves and everything around us. If were too inves ted in our point of view, we may miss seeing the true potential in ourselves or othersPractice 2 Carry Your Own WeatherIf you believe that external things (like other people or situations) are the source of your unhappiness or happiness, life will always happen to you. If you want to have a more influence in your life, or, remember you have the freedom to choose to carry your own weather.Practice 3 Behave Your Way to CredibilityWe all have a reputation- whether we like it or not. That reputation has been built over the days, weeks, months or years youve been with your employer, your partner, your children and your friends. And it comes with a proven track record of behavior over time.Practice 4 Play Your Roles WellPlaying your roles well is about identifying your most important roles, both professional and partal, and then deciding the meaningful contributions you want to make in each. If those impacted by you in each of your roles were to write a review about you today, what would they say?Practice 5 See the Tree, elend Just the SeedlingHave you ever given up on someone prematurely? Maybe it was a coworker who saw things differently than you, or a team member you inherited who didnt seem to do their fair share. When we take time to consider a persons potential, it allows us to see past the seedling and envision the mighty tree it can become.Practice 6 Avoid the Pinball SyndromeBecause urgencies act on you and vie for your immediate attention, with the Pinball Syndrome, you start to confuse whats urgent with whats truly important. When you get a small respite between your urgencies (before the score resets and the next ball ratchets into place), its what you do in that moment between reaching for the plunger in autopilot mode or choosing to step back and reflect on whats truly important- that will make all the difference.Practice 7 Think We, Not MeDo you win at the expense of others? In education, business, sports, or even family life, we are encouraged and re warded to compete. As a result, many people adopt a win-lose mindset if you get more, that means I get less- so I better get my share first Thinking We, Not Me is based on having an abundant mindset. If you choose an abundance mindset- you will see theres enough for everyone, and will be able to care as much about others wins as you care about your own.Practice 8 Take Stock of Your Emotional Bank AccountsYou probably pay attention to your financial bank accounts- the deposits and withdrawals, the interest and penalties- but are you at risk of being overdrawn in any of your emotional bank accounts? When an emotional bank account balance is high, so is the resulting level of trust. Different from a financial bank account, with the Emotional Bank Account, you never accumulate a high emotional balance in order to make a planned withdrawal.Practice 9 Examine Your Real MotivesMotives are the underlying reasons for the actions you take and the words you say. No one can tell you what your m otives are. They may try, but you are the only one who can know your real reasons for doing what you do. Are your motives healthy- based on wanting the best for yourself and others? Or do you ever have an unhealthy motive- one that is driven by fear, anger, or an unfulfilled need for acceptance, power, or safety?Practice 10 Talk Less, Listen MoreUnfortunately, when it comes to real-life relationships, our propensity to talk more than we listen works against us. One of the most profound gifts you can give to another human being is your sincere understanding. To do so requires clearing away your mental clutter, suspending (at least temporarily) your agenda, and stopping long enough to focus and hear what someone is really saying.Practice 11 Get Your Volume RightWe all have natural strengths. But sometimes are unaware of how we overuse them and the impact that has on others. Lets say your natural strength is being practical you pride yourself on finding fact-based solutions. But if set too high, this practical volume may turn into pessimism you perpetually find facts or reasons for not doing something. When we inadvertently turn the volume too high on one of our strengths, the negative result can often be a blind spot to us.Practice 12 Extend TrustAre you more inclined to distrust others than to trust them? Or do you give away your trust prematurely and regret it later? Neither extreme is useful when building effective relationships. In my years of coaching others, I find the majority of relationship snags are rarely caused by people trusting too much theyre caused by people trusting too little. Consider both the character and competence of the person to whom youre extending trust. Remember, your always better off to begin with a propensity to trust.Practice 13 Make it Safe to Tell the TruthWhen was the last time you asked for feedback? Most of us resist it because we equate it with criticism. It brings to the surface what we dont want to admit- that each of us i s a work in progress. But if we avoid creating opportunities to receive feedback, or unknowingly make it unsafe for others to tell us the truth, well miss a huge learning curve and a perfect chance to build high-trust relationships.Practice 14 Align Inputs with OutputsWe all know the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting a different result yet many smart people continue to do just that. Those who successfully break this chain carefully define the output they want, examine their current inputs, test new inputs, and then analyze the result. The next time youre struggling to achieve your desired result- especially in the area of relationships- try applying these steps again and again until you identify inputs that work.Practice 15 Start with HumilityHas your lack of humility ever held you back from getting better- would you even know if it had? People with humility have a secure sense of self because their validation comes from the inside, not t he outside. In short, they are not controlled by their ego. If youre serious about getting better- especially at building relationships that work, start with humility. Just the opposite of weak, humility is the greatest strength we can develop.